Now for the crap

Consider yourself warned, I told you this was coming.

Long story short if that my MRI showed 5 new lesions in my brain since January. One of them is an enhancing (or active) lesion. Also, one of the lesions in my spinal cord in my neck has grown. Basically, this sucks.

The only positive in this news that I have been able to come up with (thanks to Todd, actually) is that a) it confirms that not only do I hate the MS medication I'm currently on, but it actually isn't working and b) it may explain why the last couple months I've been feeling so shitty all the time.

I know, MRI and MS symptoms aren't always connected, but it makes me feel better to think that at least this time they may be.

I also have this sinking feeling that I'm going to end up in the control group. Which will suck. I didn't come all this way and have all these freaking tests to just be sent home, but I have always known this is the way it is. It's a 50/50 shot. Flip of a coin. The control group basically goes about their business, taking any of the FDA approved MS medications and then comes back to be checked at certain intervals. All fine, except the transplant doctor really wants me to be on Tysabri as my FDA approved medication.

Google it. Tysabri. Tysabri deaths. Tysabri PML. Go ahead, I have. It scares me. Todd doesn't want me on it. It's the best med out there right now for MS, I get it. I get why the doc wants me on it. Because if I'm on something else people will argue with his study findings that I wasn't on the "best". Ugh. I'm totally stressed about it now. I really don't know what to do. Deaths aren't really occurring in people on it less than a year, and 2 years is kind of the cut off where your risk goes up and up. So, what, take it for 2 years...then what? Pray I don't get PML? Switch to some other, less effective med?

These are all (obviously) rhetorical questions. I guess that's what a blog is for anyway. Well, it's midnight here, and I haven't been sleeping well at all, but I'm going to give it a try.