It's really happening

I officially have airline tickets for the first part of my Chicago adventure. And, thanks to my mama for the companion fair coupon, Todd and Mason have their tickets to come for part of the time. It's feeling all so CRAZY and REAL now!!!

Mark your calendars!

It's finally all starting to come together. This week I heard back from Chicago with some tentative dates for my transplant. As exciting it is to finally have a date, it also makes it very real and very stressful. I feel like I have so much still to get ready and figure out before April 30 (that's the first day of testing on my schedule, I would actually go down the day or two before). I also am feeling the stress of having a person there with me. It's a lot to ask of people, and there are only certain people I would want there anyway, but I have to have someone with me.

Today we also got confirmation on a place for the silent auction!!! This has been stressing me out as well because I have all these people willing to donate, but I haven't had specifics to give them yet. Anyway, MARK YOUR CALENDAR and please help SPREAD THE WORD! The silent auction will be April 7th at the Quarter Deck in the Captain Cook. I'm still thinking about a timeframe, we have the room from 5-10pm...so in there somewhere :)

So much for my gut

I'm not going to lie, I did not have a good feeling about this last Chicago trip. I came very close to canceling it a few times as I felt like it was just going to be another disappointment for me that I really did not feel like dealing with.

A little background to catch up any new people (or those of you who may have forgotten how we got to this point).....

I'm taking part in a clinical trial run by Dr. Richard Burt at Northwester Memorial Hospital. Here is his website if you're interested. Anyway, in 2010 I was randomized into the "control" arm of the study, rather than the treatment arm. Control basically means you take Tysabri (an FDA approved drug for MS, supposedly the best out there right now) and get rechecked at predetermined intervals. Treatment is a stem cell transplant (currently the only thing showing any promise as a cure for MS). Needless to say, control was a disappointing group to be in.

The interesting part about this study is that there is an ability to cross-over from the control to the treatment arm if your disability score increases and stays that way after a 6 month period. This is where all my frustration has come in. Not to completely rehash all this, but basically I think the doctor who does the EDSS is completely inconsistent and, well, frankly, I think he is an idiot. So I've been in this weird holding pattern with Dr. Burt, having me go back to Chicago multiple times where I keep getting told that, no, I'm half a point away from being able to cross over.

So this leads me to this week. Another quick two day trip to the windy city by myself, which I was really not looking forward to. And then it happened. The EDSS doctor (oh, did I mention he's the only blinded participant in the study?) gave me a higher EDSS...way higher, actually. I mean, I know I've progressed and acquired some new symptoms, but I didn't think it would be much higher...not that I'm complaining.

I'm now tentatively on for an April/May stem cell transplant! There is so much to do and think about now, the most important being MONEY! (Stay tuned for more info on that)

I'm back home now, exhausted from my quick trip and barely any sleep the past 3 days, but feeling, for the first time since I began this clinical trial, hopeful. It's not a bad place to be in.




P.S. Just don't ask me how I'm going to stand being away from Mason for 2-3 months. It's going to seriously be the hardest part of this whole ordeal, I'm sure. I just have to remember that he's a major reason I'm doing the trial in the first place.

One for the....oh, hell no!

Just saw the trailer for "One for the Money" and I am so incredibly disappointed with the casting. I mean, as if Katherine Heigl as Stephanie Plum wasn't annoying enough they totally missed the mark on Morelli (hello, as the name would imply, is Italian...not Irish). Ranger needs to be WAY hotter. And Debbie Reynolds as Grandma Mazur?! Jesus, what has the world come to. Was Janet Evanovich even consulted when they cast this movie?

This is definitely one of those times where making a movie from a book totally screws it up for me...and I haven't even seen the movie yet!

In Which Chuck Norris helps me get through the tough times

 I did see the neurologist today...the short version is brain and c-spine MRI tomorrow morning and T-spine MRI on Friday morning. Also, three days of IV solu-medrol. I'm sure the steroids will give me plenty of insomnia induced time to blog all about the long version of this story. But that will have to do for now.

So, this is really happening. I'm trying not to think too much about it because I just start to cry. I know (hope) it's just temporary, and it really does make my life a lot easier right now...but that doesn't make it suck any less.

I'm planning on naming him Texas Ranger...as in Walker, Texas Ranger (aka Chuck Norris)

Although, if this ever turns into a full-time thing, I will definitely need to get it tricked out...I found this on a site that had a "Pimp my Assistive Device" link. Who knew!

Girl Time!

On Wednesday morning, I leave for a weekend trip to San Francisco to visit my "number 1" friend, Mariah. I am so excited to just hang out, have girl time, drink, soak up some CA sun, maybe check out a winery, and go on the night tour of Alcatraz! I saw this article on Yahoo today and it made me even MORE excited, and admittedly a little more creeped out by the whole idea of Alcatraz at night!

I feel like I've been leaving my boys a lot lately, which is sort of true. I went to Oregon in May, Chicago in June, and now I'll be going to California. But this is the first trip I'm going on that will be FUN and relaxing. Not one filled with either classes, workshops, doctor's appointments...or any other form of stress! I definitely feel like I've earned this trip.

Petaluma, here I come!!!!

Whine Baby

I feel like I've been a total whine baby lately. So I would like to take this moment to apologize, especially to my co-workers. I try extremely hard to not whine about my symptoms, but sometimes they definitely get the better of me. This week has been one of those weeks for sure. Typically, unless you are my husband, you won't see me cry or hear me moan and complain about having MS. I do sometimes (like today) use this blog as a way to vent, but even this is pretty rare.

To be honest, my husband would probably say that I don't really cry or bitch to him either, but he knows me well enough to know when I'm feeling scared or sad or just frustrated about life with MS. The problem is that I just say "My leg hurts" or "I'm exhausted today". What I don't say is that after I have worked, taken care of Mason, cooked dinner, cleaned up after dinner, done the dishes, packed Mason's lunch for tomorrow, etc. I barely have the energy in my legs to fell like I can walk downstairs to play with Mason until bath and bed time. Sometimes it really feels like my legs won't carry me anymore. These are the things I don't say, mainly because a) what good does it do and b) no one really understands anyway.

So, yea, I'm tired. I've been working on this, experimenting with different things to try and improve my fatigue. Provigil (an expensive prescription medication) doesn't really help much. I've been taking a B-6 complex for the past month and a half, which seems to help a little. I take a lot of naps, but sometimes this actually seems to make things worse because I get overheated during my nap and wake up worse than I was before. I've been sleeping that extra 20 minutes or so I usually have to spend straightening my hair in the mornings and letting it be curly. I sit in front of a fan at work a lot, and always have ice water or an ice pack near by. And in the past couple of weeks I have actually broken down and let myself use my handicapped parking placard. These all seem like little things, but I'm learning that the little things are what seem to make the biggest differences. This is what I need to realize, and accept as my new normal.

My neurologist just prescribed Ampyra, which is a new medication that is supposed to improve walking in MS patients. I don't have the typical problems that he would normally prescribe it for, according to the neurologist, but he feels like because I'm stubborn and "not that bad" (my words being fed back to me) I push it and end up doing too much. It's an ordeal to get the meds, so I haven't started yet (they're mail order pharmacy only) but we'll see. It doesn't help everyone, but I'm going to give it about a 6-8 week trial. The Catch-22 with it is that I'm almost afraid it will work TOO well and when I go back to Chicago my EDSS will have gone back down. I know this seems weird, who wouldn't want their EDSS to go down, right? The thing is, I know it's only a temporary fix, and it certainly isn't taking care of the actual problem. If my EDSS is the same as it was in December, I have the chance to receive a stem cell transplant which is the only thing right now showing any promise of curing and reversing MS. (I absolutely do not buy into the CCSVI thing, and no neurologist, radiologist or neurosurgeon I know and trust does either)

I am very much a quit your bitching and fix it kind of person, and not just with myself, but with everyone around me as well. I guess this is one of the biggest reasons MS is so hard for me to get my head wrapped around. I can't fix it, but I can ALWAYS find plenty of things to bitch about when it comes to MS! But I feel guilty bitching, I know so many people have it so much worse than I do, with things worse than MS. I see people on a daily basis who are dying of cancer, or who are taking care of their dying child, parent or spouse. I also see people on a daily basis who are so incredibly bitter about their fight, and I NEVER want to be that person. I strive everyday to make freaking lemonade out of the batch of lemons life has dealt me. The worst thing anyone has every said to me about having MS was right after I was first diagnosed, and it has stuck with me. It was horrifying, and I was so angry. A nurse at work was going on and on about neurological stuff, and MS came up. She told me she'd rather have cancer than MS because at least with cancer there's the promise of death. I still hold to my original feeling when I heard this, that I would rather not die...but I do kind of understand the sentiment a little better now. What I think she meant is at least with cancer there's an answer, a prognosis, a treatment...basically, a plan. With MS there is none of that. Just questions, doubts, and the unknown.

So, back to my original point of this post. I'm sorry for being a whine baby lately.

Wherein we become THOSE parents

It has finally happened. My sweet, beautiful son has been possessed by an alien. A screaming, tantrum-throwing, pissed off alien.

Case 1: We are in Mexico. We take Mason back to ride on the train again. We get on the bus (which he loves) and he rides on the train (which he loves even more). Then it's dinner time, so we go to a restaurant where he proceeds to throw the HUGEST fit I've ever seen. Seriously, we are talking a rolling on the floor, crying, inconsolable tantrum. Todd and I are now THOSE parents with THAT kid at the restaurant. Needless to say, we took dinner to go and took a cab back to the resort where we put Mason straight to bed.

A lot of Mason's attitude in Mexico I attribute to being so exhausted the entire time we were there. But now we're home and have had a week to catch up, right?

Case 2: Monday afternoon, Mason wakes up happy as can be from his nap. He wants juice, so we go to the kitchen to get some. Something (still not sure what) sets the kid off and he just LOSES it! We're talking screaming and crying for AN ENTIRE HOUR!!! I finally put him back in his bed, where he quickly calmed down and recovered. By the end of this episode, I was crying as well.

He's two. And we have officially reached the terrible twos. Lord, give me strength.

Indestructible

Our other Christmas drama had to do with our pug, Duncan. Our family does a kind of potluck-style dinner when we all get together. It's great, everyone brings something so no one gets stuck having to cook everything all day. For Christmas we were responsible for the turkey and the bread.

I actually really love making bread. It's such a process, but I think it's so fun. I decided to make a braided Challah loaf. I mixed everything together, kneaded the dough and set it by a baseboard heater upstairs (behind a closed door where it could get nice and warm). Punched it down and let it rise again. Punched it down and rolled it out into four pieces, then braided them together. Then I put the braided dough back to rise a final time...and apparently didn't close the door all the way. Next thing I know the stupid pug has eaten almost half of the raw bread dough. Grrr! My beautiful bread was ruined!

I actually didn't think much of it at the time, other than being mad Duncan ruined my bread and also mad because he's so stupid (he really is, he'll eat anything). I figured he would have a belly ache, probably throw up, or have diarrhea (or both) and that would be it. So out into his kennel he went.

The next morning, after Todd fed him and went to work, I noticed he threw up his food. This didn't really surprise me much. What bothered me was the fact that the poor dog was tripping over his own two feet, stumbling around the house, literally walking into things. Then I noticed that my normally svelte pug had quite the round little tummy. It hit me like a ton of bricks...FRICK! The dough kept rising IN HIS STOMACH! Then for the second ton of bricks...DOUBLE FRICK! The yeast fermented, and he is drunk!!!

I immediately got on the phone with Diamond Animal Hospital (not our normal vet, but they have a 24 hour emergency room there). They said I needed to bring him in right away to be seen because the alcohol poisoning can be toxic to a dog. Ugh. Great. I had just gotten Mason down for his nap, so my aunt was kind enough to come over to the house while I took Duncan to the vet.

The moment we walked into the vet office they took us straight back (there were probably 5 people in the waiting room ahead of us). The vet did a couple x-rays of Duncan's abdomen to see if he was passing the dough or not.

For those of you reading this that work in x-ray, I'm sure your jaw just dropped (like mine did, too). For those of you who don't work in x-ray, Duncan's stomach is the huge thing taking up most of his abdomen. Basically, the picture on the top is like you were looking at him laying on his back. The black at the top is his lungs (air), the white in the middle of that is his heart. Just below this on your right (Duncan's left) is a huge oval shaped fuzzy thing...that would be his stomach full of raw bread dough.

So, this explains why his stomach was so distended. The problem here is because his stomach was so huge, it shifted all his other abdominal organs out of place, making it hard to tell what is what. Based on these pictures, the vet couldn't say with certainty that Duncan hadn't perforated, or ruptured, his stomach. He suggested going into surgery immediately...which I was not a fan of at all. He decided to do an ultrasound first to try to confirm what was going on, which luckily showed Duncan hadn't ruptured anything. So now we could try to get him to throw up this mass of dough, which I am so thankful he did. The other option was to go in surgically and get it. Again, not a fan of that option at all.

Story over, right? Wrong. Tuesday I had to take Duncan to our normal vet to have his liver enzymes checked. Because of the alcohol poisoning he had we had to make sure he didn't do damage to his liver. Our vet called us last night with his blood results. His enzymes are a little elevated, and his electrolytes are slightly out of range, but judging on the weekend the poor guy had, it wasn't anything too shocking. Hopefully the enzymes are just up right now from having to metabolize all that alcohol and will go back down, but we won't know for sure until we recheck them in 6 months.

As for Duncan, since the moment he threw up he has been acting like nothing ever happened. This dog is seriously retarded, but I love him. I can't help but wonder, though, how many lives a dog gets. They always talk about cats having 9 lives, but no one says this about dogs. Whatever the case is, this dog is going through them pretty quickly. 

Open Bed

A few days ago Todd and I decided to be brave and take the tall rail off the side of Mason's crib. He hasn't decided to climb out of the crib, but I know that day is totally coming. So, to try to avoid injury, we decided to move toward a toddler bed. This scares the crap out of both Todd and myself. Mason has always been so incredibly easy to put to bed, we have been SOOOOOOOOOOO lucky with this! Our fear is that once he isn't contained in his crib this will be over, at least for a period of adjustment.

Anyhow, I ventured to Babies R Us and picked up a side rail to put on the crib. This allows Mason to get in and out on his own (EEK) but keeps him from actually rolling out of bed in the middle of the night.

So far, knock on wood, it's been going really good. He is super excited that his bed is "open", although the first night he did ask Todd to close it and we had to explain that it doesn't close any more. My little man is growing up!

Here's what his crib looks like now. It's kind of hard to explain what it looks like now.

Come on, get happy

I grew up in a family that doesn't really talk about the "bad stuff". Don't get me wrong, we talk, just not usually about major/bad things. My mom, love her to pieces, is a total Pollyanna. The sun is always shining, the birds are always chirping, and, well, you get the picture. My dad on the other hand is the quiet, stoic type. He wasn't raised in a family of talkers at all. For example, we don't talk about my MS. They all participate in the MS Walk with me, and they know about my study in Chicago, but as far as addressing the fact that I have multiple sclerosis or how it makes me feel, or how it makes them feel for that matter...that doesn't really happen. Post partum depression? Ha! Didn't talk about that either. Did I have panic attacks and crying fits in my parent's home? Yes, but we didn't talk about it.

So, the point, in case you're wondering, is that lately I've been feeling a lot like I felt after Mason was born. And I don't talk about it. I just don't really know how, I think. Todd of course has noticed (how could he not) and in his defense, he tries to make me talk about it. Now, I've had some depression in the past. Mostly in high school, when, honestly, I think everyone has to deal with some type of neuroses. After Mason was born was a whole new thing for me though. PPD is no joke. Between the crying and the exhaustion and the guilt and the anxiety....good lord, no wonder I fantasized about getting in my car and driving far far away.

Ok, before you all freak out...I'm not all the way back to that, you don't need to worry for my safety. It's just that lately I have felt so defeated most of the time and I don't know what is wrong with me. I tried to call the woman I was seeing for the PPD to set up an appointment finally (this is a HUGE step for me), but I found out she moved out of state. I seriously started sobbing when I got off the phone I was so upset. I'm sure there are other counselors out there, but she is really the only one I've seen that I really connected with and felt like it actually helped to go see her! Anyway, after that I kept on like I was for a while, but finally emailed my neurologist about this being a possible side effect of my new MS medication.

Long story short, it isn't a super common side effect, but it is a side effect of Tysabri! So, while it may in fact just be me, there is also something outside of my control affecting my mood. Yay! Well, temporary yay, because I'm sure you can all guess the conversation that came next...the old, would you consider taking something and/or talking to someone. I really really REALLY did not want to go back on an anti-depressant, but I said that I would at least give it a try. So here I am, about a week into being back on Lexapro. I haven't noticed a huge change yet, except that my anxiety seems a little better, but I know it can take time. I said no, for now, to the talking to someone thing. We'll see if this will be enough to pull me out of this funk.

I'm not really sure the point of this post. I guess maybe I needed to just "come clean" so to speak. I know I haven't been myself lately, but hopefully soon I'll stop freaking out and crying and being pissed off at my husband. Until then, I'll just apologize for the normal Amanda's absence, and hope you can all hang in there until she returns.

Use your words

If only Mason could just talk, then he could tell me what hurts. He obviously does not feel good. My dad called me today around 1pm to let me know something was up, and when I picked the little guy up around 2pm he was hot and cranky and really cuddly. Now, normally Mason is a happy, easy going baby who does not like to snuggle, so all of these things indicate a problem. Problem is, who knows what it is. Is he teething? Does he have a cold? A bellyache? WHO KNOWS?!?! Even the pediatrician doesn't know (I took him in so she could look at his ears just to be sure it was nothing obvious) So now he's sleeping, which is pretty late in the evening to be sleeping (which, according to my dad is what he did all day). I may wake him up soon, just so I can have some chance of sleeping tonight. Ugh. It just breaks my heart when he doesn't feel good!

She works hard for the money

Today is my first full day back at work. And Mason's first day with Papa. Actually, yesterday was my first day back, but it was only a half day and Todd was home with Mason. I have mixed feelings for sure. I'm glad to be back at work, getting a little break away from home and getting to use my brain for things other than mommy things but it's also really hard to be without Mason! It's only 10:30am and I'm already wondering how he's doing, if he's taking a nap, how Papa is handling it all...but I promised myself I wouldn't call to check on them until lunch. Just two more hours to go until then!!!

Dinosaur brains

I got big ol' brains! Dinosaur brains! Ok, most of you won't understand this reference, but I know at least one person is probably laughing out loud (hi, Mariah). Anyway, the point is, my 'brains' is not working well lately. I'm so forgetful! I'm sure this has something to do with fatigue, but it's so frustrating. I usually consider myself a fairly smart, together person......but ever since Mason was born I can't seem to remember what I was doing 5 minutes ago!

Anyway, speaking of little M, he's doing much better. I have become a little OCD about taking his temperature, but other than that we have all recovered from our ER experience. And whatever virus or bug Mason had seems to have gone away, leaving us with a happy baby for most of the day. I say most because around 7 or 8pm every night he gets super fussy, which lasts until around 10pm most nights (sometimes longer).

It has been too cold here lately for us to do much outside of the house, but we did manage to go over to my parents yesterday for the afternoon. Todd's first day back at work was yesterday, and Mason and I both survived. Todd only worked half of his shift (12 hours instead of 24) so he was home at night with us. I was really looking forward to 9pm! I've definitely gotten used to having Todd home with me these last 6 weeks, it's going to take some adjusting having to do everything myself. He goes back tomorrow for the full shift, and I'm a little nervous, but I'm sure we will all do just fine.

Our proofs from our pictures we had done when Mason was 3 weeks old are ready. If you want to see them send me an email and I'll give you the password. They all turned out so great, it was hard to decide which ones we wanted to order!

That's about all for now, Mason is calling for me again :)

Worst Night Ever

Mason has been having a low-grade temp on and off since last weekend. I think I mentioned in a previous post that we took him in to the pediatrician and were told it could either be a little cold or that he has colic. In the meantime, to add to my stress level, my mom had surgery, I had my MRI, the results from my MRI were pretty bad (a lot of new, active spots) which makes me have to do some serious decision making...all added to a fussy, possibly colicky 5 week old. Anyway, last night, Todd thought he should take Mason's temp, which we discovered was 101! I called the pediatrician's office, to be told to go to the ER. Ugh. So, we gave Mason some Tylenol and headed to the hospital. It was hard to believe he was sick because he was so perfectly happy. Laying on the gurney kicking and cooing away. From there, Mason got the full septic work-up. Nasal wash for influenza and RSV, blood drawn (which I had to do), cathed urine, chest x-ray (which I had to shoot)...all which were essentially normal. Then came the lumbar puncture. I had fought against this procedure, but after he was looked at by 3 ER docs and the on-call peds was consulted, they all said it was necessary. Luckily, his spinal fluid looked normal too (no meningitis). So, after all this, his fever was back down and he was exhausted, they figured it must be a virus, gave him two big antibiotic shots and sent us home.

I have never in my life been so stressed out, worried, scared...you name it! Add to that I fact that I had to switch back and forth between mom-mode and work-mode and back. Basically, I'm done! Poor Mason was so tired all night, and even still today...and so are Todd and I. I do have to say, it does pay sometimes to know people...between Todd and I, the whole ER, lab and x-ray departments knew us and Mason was treated extremely well. We follow up with the pediatrician tomorrow, but for now Mason's temp is still normal and he's busy catching up on some sleep.

1st Christmas and other news

Mason's first Christmas was a busy day, but so will all his others, I'm sure. We did have a break in the afternoon that allowed for a good nap (for me, too). Christmas was also the day that Mason became a one month old, and with that milestone, I think we've also welcomed either his first cold or he officialy has colic. (We actually went to the doctor today after a long, screaming weekend. I hate to be "that" mother, but I would also hate to be missing something. Official word...not anything major, like illness/injury, could be a cold, could be colic...helpful, right?) In more exciting milestone news, Mason has started to smile real smiles. They are so cute, and can almost make me forget how awful all the screaming has been...almost!

Here's a couple pics from Christmas. Landon is showing more interest in his cousin every time he sees him, but this was the first time he actually got close enough to touch him. He was so fun to watch! Landon was really gentle, and seemed so amazed that this little creature (Mason) had a "button" (belly button) and hair and fingers....just like he has! They both also had shirts on that said "What Santa doesn't bring me...Grandma will!" Isn't that the truth!!!
















In other news, my parents did manage to bribe Todd and I with a gift card on Saturday to get us out of the house for dinner. I think they were mostly just dying to babysit. It was hard to leave Mason, especially since he had been fussy all day and I was worried he was sick, but it was so nice to get out. I even had my first glass of wine! Mom had her surgery today to fix her Achille's tendon. Everything went well and she's home resting. I had my MRI today, without any Valium or Ativan I might add! My unofficial opinion is that it looks worse than my previous, but I'll have to wait and see what the radiologist says. More on that later.

2 weeks and lots of firsts

Yesterday Mason had his 2 week check up with Dr. Elliott. He totally shocked everyone when he weighed in at a whopping 8 lbs 10 oz!!!! Needless to say, he is growing quite well. It was his 1st visit since we were discharged and everything is going great. All my questions were answered, and all the answers were basically that he is a normal, happy, healthy baby. So now I just need to learn to relax :)



He had his first real bath yesterday and LOVED it. I was a little nervous after his strong dislike of his prior sponge baths, but he did great!


We also tried some "tummy time" yesterday for the first time. He was not such a fan of this, but today went a little better. He is already stronger than I thought and can lift his head up and turn it to the other side.

I got our Christmas card/birth announcements ordered yesterday, too. I'm sure they'll be going out a little late this year, but hopefully everyone will understand. A woman that works with my aunt is going to be starting her own photography business after the new year so she came over to practice a little on Mason. She did such a great job with him, we're planning on having her come back again when he gets a little bigger.


Well, that's all for now. I can hear him calling for me again.

Play it again, Mom

Mason seems to be on an every-other-night fussiness pattern (I refuse to use the word "schedule" as that obviously does not apply to a baby by any stretch of the imagination). Last night was a great night....which makes me somewhat fearful of what tonight has in store. It seems like he's been gassy lately, but I don't really know what it is. We have some Mylicon (sp) drops, but I'm not convinced they really work. Someone told us to try Gripe Water.......any other suggestions out there?

Oh, and please don't ask me what I ate. I did have some ice cream the other night, which I later found out can upset a breastfed baby, but really, I swear, I haven't had any broccoli, spicy foods, chocolate.....nothing weird. It is on my list of questions for the pediatrician tomorrow.

Anyway, back to the up all night business. Mason loves being sung/hummed to. So far his favorites have been "Over the Rainbow" and "Moon River". I know, I need to stop singing the poor kid show tunes but he seems to like them. At least I'm not singing him songs from Grease or Cats!

One week old

Today Mason is already one week old! Things have been going OK since we've been home. I had a long weekend worrying about if Mason was nursing OK and getting enough. We were both having a hard time with the breastfeeding thing, that's for sure. Of course, added to this was the onset of crazy post-partum hormones that had me crying almost as much as Mason. Apparently this is just what happens, and it should go away after a couple weeks.

We had our first outing yesterday since Mason had to go in for a weight check. When we left the hospital he was a little under 7lbs 1oz (his birthweight was 7lbs 8oz). I was certain that he was going to be even lower than that yesterday and my fears would be confirmed about nursing and my mothering ability.......well, when the nurse put him on the scale he weighed in at 7lbs 9oz! I had to go look at it myself because I thought she might have read it wrong. What a relief to know that,even if it doesn't seem like it all the time, I might just know what I'm doing after all.

My c-section incision is pretty sore again, which is frustrating because I was feeling so great. I think I probably felt too good and over-did it. So today we're all hanging out at home and relaxing. I'll be sure to get some new pictures up soon, but as you can all imagine, my time available to sit at the computer is somewhat limited these days :)

Our Last Supper

Last night Todd and I went out to dinner for the last time without having to arrange or plan ahead. Of course, this is also possibly the last time I won't be able to order anything on the menu that I want (i.e. wine, blue cheese, meat that isn't fully cooked, etc.)

I decided Simon's would work, since I wouldn't be as tempted there to have red meat. We had crab cakes and I had the simply grilled salmon. Todd ordered the salmon that I really wanted, with the blue cheese butter...but mine was just as good, I'm sure.

Before we left we took a final pregnancy picture. So here I am, all 39 weeks of me. Oh, and did I mention, I have less than 48 hours before this is all over? Actually, right now it's 45 hours and about 15 minutes....but who's really counting, right?



I then realized I stil had my glasses on and made Todd take another...